CREATE-AGE first steps

This week I learned I have been awarded a Develop Your Creative Practice grant by the Arts Council of England.

Somewhere deep inside resistance rumbled, talking to me about the harms of institutional power in the late stage capitalist freakshow and the falsehoods of our creative juices and desires being validated via financial resource. A nasty taste snuck into my mouth knowing that 80% of applicants put their precious energy in, to get the “no” letter.

And.

Also.

I feel elated and grateful. And a bit scared?

This fear came out on Friday this week as I approached the launch event of Eastside Project’s Summer Camp, an exhibition of recent work by their members. Of which I am one. Blah blah blah imposter syndrome, being perceived, Artist vs artist.

But this time, I organised for Access Support in the form of poet Sallyanne Rocks. We made an access plan of what I’d need in the space, I packed things that would help me cope better than last year, and we met an hour before we needed to be there to land, eat and catch up. Knowing that I’ve invested my own money into access support care has transformed into me believing I am deserving of it, that my life is better for it. Somehow I have received more financial resources to provide it. Circular care economy.

Forget all the economic models you know, find the crip working class creative economy- it is one of the most tenacious systems I know. And before I brought it into my life, it existed in my lineage. And, it costs us to live so intimately alongside so little structural care.

I dream of crip queer care-filled communal living spaces, I can see the small fruit trees and smell the earth when it rains. Not knowing the pathway is no reason to stop dreaming. I also dream of a crip writing retreat at Charlotte Church’s The Dreaming.

Find more about Sall @sallrockpoet on Insta or sallyannerock.com, and I recommend her access support if you are an artist / creative person in need of gentle, attentive support.